Saturday, January 3, 2015

22. Journal

January 3, 2015

  In continuation of the journal before this one, I have contemplated suggesting to my family the idea of moving away, far away--away from the city and from everything we know--for two reasons.

  1. To start anew.

  2. To live a simple life.

  The reason I haven't suggested it is because I don't think my wife would ever be happy. And I can't say that I would be either.

  My conclusion in this journal is that if I am climbing a mountain, I have to hold on and continue the climb no matter how hard it gets. Scaling back down and climbing a different mountain is premature if I haven't yet reached the peak of the one I'm on. I gotta see where this one'll take me.

  It's tough. I'm unsure. I would rather that things be more clear-cut. It's difficult when I have to stick to my guns, when I can't be free to be random and spontaneous. I feel like I always need a plan and a back-up plan. It's how I got to where I am. And I know that it's because of my consistent planning that I've gotten as far as I have today.

  I'm convinced that if I had been freer and more spontaneous that I'd be much further behind. I can see one of several scenarios--still with my parents, still with the TFI group, still dependent on share-housing.

  Thankfully, I'm independent of all those things.

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