4.Journal

 

June 25: Things are changing. I'm changing. You're changing. Our friends are changing. My focus is changing. Our goals are changing. 

  My focus used to be on people. I used to think a lot more about the people in my life. Now, I can only think about my own family--my wife and kids. And now, more than ever, I'm thinking about money and how I can get more of it. Reality is, the number 1 priority in my life is my family--Thinking about how I'm going to support it for the rest of my life makes me hands-full. 

  Actually putting this reality into words brings a whole new realization. If I can think about my friends once a week I'm doing pretty good. 

  This hits me like a ton of bricks, though, 'cause that's not how I want to live my life. I want to have more to my life than that. Pretty soon I'll be the average husband and father who lives to work and support his offspring, who can more often than not only be reflected through his children--he himself too occupied with work to do much else. 

  I guess I just want to try to think about my friends more. Just something I've been thinking about lately...

  

3.Journal

"An excess of ambition can be just as dangerous as too little ambition. And balance is always achieved in nature."

June 19, 2013: Recently, for me, the future has never been more unknown and uncertain. It's never seemed more out of my control than it is now. But also, never before have I felt this happy and free. Even as a single in the past, I committed my life to a religious cause. And then I must have gone crazy with the contradictions and restrictions that I turned into quote and quote "a bad boy." But even then, my world was small, and my thinking was narrow. The world is a MUCH bigger place now. 

So this morning I've decided (again) to cast regret aside, and look at my life in the proper perspective. Despite the thousand temptations of a better, more glorious life--a life seen in the movies and on TV. I need to take life where it's at. And if I want to improve it, I need to do it slowly, beginning with a good attitude and perspective.

I realize that I can't be overly ambitious. It can really kill. I mean, sometimes it's excruciating to think of what I could have done with my time had I not devoted myself to a strict religion--the education I'd go for, the job opportunities I'd take, and the money I'd save up. But like I said above, it really is destructive--over ambition with regret. I need to take life where it's at. That's the bottom line.

2.Journal

June 15 (Saturday) : The alarm that has faithfully woken me up day after day at 6:15 was intentionally not set this morning so that I could sleep in. An attempt fail when I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, to look at the time that showed 6:15. 

Life has become a routine that causes weeks to fly by faster than they ever have in my life. One weekend to the next can often feel like one day to the next. To break this robotic vicious cycle, I've decided to spend more periodic moments of reflection to appreciate the moment and the joys of living. 

Until now, and now continues, I always have an agenda. Not a single day goes by that I don't have a plan. It's as if there's a natural inclination in me to fill every space of my schedule and not leave a single rock un-turned. It's become second nature to be busy. I don't want to lie down for even a few minutes for fear that I'll fall asleep and waste precious time. Laying in contemplation like the photo above has become a rare occasion. 

1.Journal

"Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloging every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing." Say's Ericson Ay Mires (freelance blogger)

  The above is very true for me. Keeping a journal helps me to organize my thoughts and stay in touch with every day happenings, that otherwise can often just be forgotten. I agree that life is too short and precious to not be taken account of. Someone needs to claim the responsibility of documenting the occurrences of your life. If no one else, then you've got to do it. Not only the recording of events and activities, but also of some of the main thoughts and emotions involved in the decision-making.

  Which is another advantage of marriage. Both of you don't need to keep a journal if one of you do. In my marriage, I'm the one who assumed responsibility for cataloging life events. In which case, the life of four people (soon to be five) are documented and remembered. 

  It's painful to realize that billions of lives are happening around us, but only a few are remembered, myself included. Of course, there's the idea of the after-life in which all of our lives will be reviewed. But frankly, I can't live years and decades of life, and see my friends and family do the same, without knowing of complete certainty that each moment meant something. I won't rely on faith in something to do that for me. 

  LOL! So finally, here's my short journal

June 9 (Sunday)

  In about 20 minutes I'll leave the house to go for my driving lessons. I'm almost done, after which I'll need to take the 100 question test (that I've done almost no studying for yet). Day to day life is still so full of hustle and bustle. Weeks fly by. I manage to squeeze in a recreational activity here and a fun thing there, but not without a relapse the next day. 

  Ever since taking on the mantle of the family life, work has taken precedence over almost everything, even things of value. It would seem that more often than not good things take second place; put into the schedule on the weekends when there isn't work. 

  I still work 5 days a week, and have managed to maintain a Saturday and Sunday holiday pattern to spend with my family. Although, for the past 4 months I've been attending driving school on my days off. I would've started working a 6th day for a friend, but it didn't work out. Half glad it didn't. But with a 3rd child on the way, a 6-day work week is a given on the horizon. I just need to get my license first. 

  And our boys are getting so BIG! 

Life Phases

Relationship Update

  June 1st: Photo's of different phases of our lives together. I might be painting the picture to look like we've been together for decades, but really it's only been under 4 years. If I choose to view my life from a stand-point of a decade though, I still have 6 years to go in this new and exciting chapter of my life. So it's kinda' cool to look at it that way--the big spectrum. 

  Exciting, yes. But LONG, really long. Everything takes time. We have a happy relationship, with our 1st child together on the way, but something that I want to get at in this post is our FUTURE happiness as a family. It's obvious that it will depend on a lot of things. We've defeated the monsters of level 1, but now that we're on level 2 it'll be a lot more challenging so to speak. 

  Practically speaking, I will need to focus more on my ability to perform in society at large. I will need to determine a solid line of work that will support a bigger house and higher standard of living. I am not content to settle down at level 2. 

  If good fortune will have it I will have my license in less than 2 months, from which time I plan to do some honest career-digging. My goal at this point is to land a good paying and reasonably enjoyable job before I hit 30. 

  How does this tie into our relationship? We have plenty of friends, community, focus on family and good morals. Perhaps it's time we start spreading the love more into the society at large. I want to prove to my Japanese peers, and mainly to myself, that I can enjoy a career in Japan. I want to show society that I can do everything they're doing but still be myself (To be honest, I'm doubtful that this is even possible, but for my own sanity's sake, I refuse to believe that it's not).

  In changing gears like this, it'll change the face of our relationship and family for sure. But in the long run it'll help us to live an even more balanced life.