20. Journal

November 22, 2014

This journey continues.

I feel pulled in two different directions, but one of them seems more compelling than the other.

From one side there is an endless ocean of need. It's as if there are a billion people with arms outstretched toward me, imploring me to do the selfless thing.

The other side is another endless ocean of a billion people proceeding the other way. But this multitude of people seem self-sustained and self-supported--not begging for help like the others.

I'm torn in between. Many of my friends and family are still in the ocean of the former, but I don't want to be there. I want to move forward and be self-sufficient. I don't want to be like the billion people groping for slivers.

Neither do I want that for my family.

I've pretty much made up my mind. I'm going to move ahead. I'm not going to be a hero today, and most likely not tomorrow, and maybe never.

19. Journal

To start this off, I can't believe I'm blogging.

Now that I'm here, I'm trying to think of something witty to say. Then it dawns on me that only family will be reading this anyway, so why bother. Ha!

So let's just cut to the chase.

My oldest son turned 10 years old today. From first glance I am a veteran dad and a husband of at least 11 years. The truth is much more complicated than that.

"The grass looks greener on the other side" is cliche but true. The elevator speech of my life is that I met my wife at a seminar, English is our first language, and we are happily married with 3 children. The full story, I'd be lucky if someone sat through it.

My personal life story is even more complicated.

Let's just stay simple, for your sake and mine.

I am a lucky man to be where I am, to have obtained my teenage dream--being married to a dark, wild and free woman, and making a family together--though certainly not in the way I had thought.

I'm chasing another dream now. I want to be a writer.

Happy Halloween!!