Vacation in Tateyama

The thing that makes a vacation special is its rarity. A perpetual vacation loses its special meaning because it is ceaseless.

I cannot be prouder of my boys, Kazuma included, when I see how brave they are and how well they cope with difficulties and challenges. Not that our lives are more difficult than average. They're not. But I have to be honest and say that Kenji and Deryk have had a few unique challenges that most kids do not and have taken them well. 

I am proud to be their father, to have the great responsibility of caring and rearing three handsome and intelligent boys. 

7. Journal

January 31

  I have the day off today, and I wanted to wake up just a little earlier than normal to walk down good old memory lane. Well, essentially I felt I needed some time to think, to breathe, and to organize mumble-jumbled thoughts. Hell, my To-Do List was a stack of folded A4-size papers, disorganized and exhausting to look at.
  First things first, though, at 6:40a.m I broke up an argument between my two strong-willed sons, sorted out whatever they were fussing about, and sent them happily off to school. After which I brewed a strong cup of coffee and sipped it while doing the routine checking the weather and news and of course the latest Conspiracy Theory.
  Then at around 8 I take the chill-pill and turn on some Celtic music to put me in the journal mood. I attempt to write a journal to settle frazzled nerves, but am interrupted by my early-bird 4-month baby. I bounce him around with our usual baby songs while eating a delicious breakfast my wife made--the highlight of the morning.
  After tiredness sets in, I'm finally able to put baby to sleep. I take the chance to organize my To-Do List, mark the schedule with timely events, and delete space-consuming junk off my computer. I download audio files to listen to during my 3 hour commute to and from work, I glance at a few new rental house possibilities, and confirm my busy work schedule of my spanking new full-time job beginning from the 1st of February.
  My brain is finally free from overload, but that was a freakin' crash-course process. Life has been a series of days like today, except that on most days I am not successful like today. Now, at 12:00 I feel alright and ready to make use of the weekend. On unsuccessful days I virtually force myself to smile, my brain is blank, and I feel like pulling my hair out. All the while, I've trained myself not to show it.
  Good day to you and to the rest of the world. I'm ready to enjoy the weekend this time.

6. Journal

January 18, 2014

  Now I'm standing at the threshold of a career opportunity, hesitating. "What?! Why the sudden hesitation?" you ask. "Wasn't it just a month ago that you took the risky jump of quitting your job without a single job lead, and now you're questioning?"

  That's just the kinda' guy I am. That's how I do things. Even if I hit the jackpot of a million bucks my first reaction would be a matter-of-fact question, "how much would be tax-deducted?" Basically, "what's the catch?" Nothing in my life has come easy, so when I get lucky I immediately wonder what strings are attached. A negative but realistic attitude.

  This career opportunity, if I jump in with both feet, has the potential to set my family and me on a very good road to financial stability. But right off the bat I have cold feet. I know that there has got to be some kind of catch. It can't be that easy. Some people are lucky, but it's not me. So right now I'm at a very exciting but apprehensive time. I really don't know which way the tide will turn, or which side the coin will fall. 

  So I'd rather just not think about it and take it a step at a time. Thinking too far into the future only causes unnecessary stress. I think I'll just put it into the hands of fate--the entity that has brought me this far. Whether it's God, the universal power, or chance--all three of those are more powerful than the highly limited human as myself. 

  Let it be written; let it be done.

Happy 2014

This is the 1st New Year with Kazuma, with many more to come. Happy New Year! I hope that I can be the best father in the world to you. And if I can't, that I at least tried.