A goal for 2013

  One of my goals for 2013 is to communicate with you more, which translates into more honesty and openness--for you and for me. I'll focus on myself and what I can do. It's not that I haven't been honest with you, but perhaps at times there have been hesitations in openness and indirect honesty to avoid certain confrontations.
  Understandably so...
  There was a phase in our relationship not too long ago that there were some serious walls in our communication. Every disagreement would end in one or both of us clamming up. There was no agreeing to disagree or finding happy mediums, it was just one headache after another. And every time the same topic came up it would end the same, with no conclusion.
  I think we're doing better now. There's less friction between us. Little by little I feel that we're successfully building our relationship. Whoever thought that the day of the wedding ceremony and two people's declaration to the world of their union is the peak of their relationship is sadly mistaken. It is just the beginning.

  (June 1st Update: We can actually argue now without either of us clamming up. I can't remember the last time one of us rolled over and fell asleep angry. Also, we argue, but they are never long-lasting. We seem to be able to settle the disagreement and move on. We even sometimes argue in front of close friends and family. I think that our communication as improved a lot since I posted the above) 

Friends

  I'm thinking about my friends again, my childhood and teen friends who I still personally fancy and want to keep in touch with, who themselves say that they have no better friend to talk to some times, yet who just never seem to keep in touch. We are all a great deal older, and we tend to try to solve matters on our own. And then busyness knocks out the remaining bit of possibility.
  Perhaps it comes also with being happily married and having found my place in life. Fate has a way of honoring some, while leaving others hanging. And while I am far from the most successful in the world in every sense, I can say that I am successful in finding happiness and a place of belonging. For the time being, my wife and I, and my kids, are happy. (Disclaimer: It's the truth, but I don't shove it in people's faces, because I know that while I have worked hard for it, happiness can be fleeting and extremely elusive)  For which reason I may not be the most approachable of people for my friends who are struggling. As one of them puts it, "It means the world to me to know that you seem happy and that you have found your place. I may never find mine, but I'd be ruthless to take from yours."
  And yet from time to time in a not so busy month of work I worry about them.
  

2011-2013

  2013 marks 2 years since moving out on our own--out from the comforts of a communal lifestyle, out of the safety net of Christian faith and a church, and most of all, out of the nest in which we had spent our whole lives.
  On one hand, it was an unspoken failure, a taboo, that crippled us. On the other, it was a new start, a challenge, an opportunity to start from scratch in the world that is reality for the rest of the billions out here; a new beginning in the REAL world.
  For me, my number one goal from the start was to become "normal," in the sense of accepted and approachable. Though I will always be a little different, I wanted to be able to speak on the level of other people--to know my identity as a Japanese 26 year old, to know how to interact with those younger than me, my peers, and those older; though an individual, to be one among the masses; walking and talking like everyone.
  More important than money, I wanted to cover my bases, all the while still being a good father and husband, and being real to friends and family. While I can't be sure that I'm hitting the target in everything, I feel that I have been moving ahead and have been making substantial progress in many areas.
  A time will come that I will need to focus more on making money, because the world is all about money. But until then I want to make certain that what is most important, my foundation as a Japanese, is as strong as I can make it.

A little bit of romance rekindled

I love you babe

Cmas and NY Wipe Out

  I haven't felt this way in a damn LONG time--like curling up in bed, watching a TV series, and blogging for hours and hours. I can't remember the last time I did this. Suddenly at the beginning of the New Year I feel like ignoring the world, throwing down all false fronts, doing only what I selfishly feel like doing, alone--completely alone--eating junk food in front of a screen like a depressed woman.

  Forgive me, I'm just mentally wiped out from the busy Christmas and New Year season. Friends, family, kids, long work hours, late nights, partying, celebrating--all shoved into a week of hustle and bustle. I'll get over it with a little rest and solitude.